Audio Drama 3: Welcome to the Apollon Media Hero Division!

Barnaby: "Bringing smiles to everyone!" is our motto, using a progressive media model to help innovate your lifestyles, that's our Apollon Media Group.

Kotetsu: This is where you can see the Heroes and everything related to them. From information, to licensing, to events, hero management and a various assortment of goods, we have all your subcontracting needs right here!

Barnaby: With our passion for public works--

Kotetsu: --reach out with us Heroes for our destiny!

T&B: Apollon Media! Welcome to our Hero Department!

[Lloyds claps]

Lloyds: Excellent, just perfect. You actually sounded like a duo, Barnaby and Kotetsu.

Kotetsu: Just what was that supposed to be, Mr. Lloyds?

Barnaby: It's a guidence video for next year's recruits. Weren't you informed?

Kotetsu: Ahhh, yeah, yeah, now that you mention it, someone did say something about that...

Barnaby: Please do some work for once.

Kotetsu: Don't lecture me. "Hello! I'm Kotetsu, the member of Tiger & Bunny that doesn't read instructions!"

Barnaby: Mr. Lloyds, can I switch him out for a different half of my duo?

Kotetsu: Hey, hold on there...

Barnaby: Or maybe you should just fire people that don't know the meaning of "professional."

Kotetsu: Hey, that's my line! I think you should fire people that don't have a sense of humor!

Lloyds: And just when I think you guys are behaving like a duo, I get *this*. Enough. That reminds me, Kotetsu. Finish your paperwork for the fines and expenses.

Kotetsu: Ah! Ahhh, um, that's... Can I do it tomorrow? I've just been so busy heroing, I haven't had the time to--

Lloyds: Even though your fellow hero Barnaby has already completed his?

Kotetsu: HUH? Really?

Barnaby: I do it at the beginning of each month.

Lloyds: If you don't do you job, it creates more trouble for all of us, *Kotetsu*. "The budget is a battlefield."

Kotetsu: ...battlefield?

Lloyds: If these things aren't done, then it reflects badly on me as your management. Barnaby, if I could trouble you to watch over him for me, please.

Barnaby: Yes, sir.

Kotetsu: Fine, fine, I'll do it already. Geez!

Kotetsu: And so...the taxi fare comes out to twenty-five dollars...the bike was ten dollars...cleaning was one dollar--one dollar? Are you kidding me? So far it's--

Barnaby: Um, can I ask you a question?

Kotetsu: ARGH! Don't talk to me right now! I just lost my place!

Barnaby: Why are you using *that*?

Kotetsu: What? Kids these days don't know what an abacus is?

Barnaby: I know what it is. I asked you why you were using it.

Kotetsu: I have to use something to calculate, right?

Barnaby: You're just going to imput it into the evaluation software anyway.

Kotetsu: I prefer pen and paper!

Barnaby: Do you even know what year it is...

Kotetsu: Maybe I'm just a pure hearted adult that hasn't cut ties with his childhood.

Barnaby: Unfortunately, I'd say it's more like your stuck at the level of your childhood education. Are you a child? Or some sort of animal?

Kotetsu: There you go again. I'm a human being! Geez, I'm a hero. why do I have to do stuff like this?

Barnaby: Make no mistake. We're salarymen that happen to be heroes.

Kotetsu: No, we're heroes that happen to be salarymen! What's with this budget battlefield crap?! Didn't we stop a guy running off with a ten billion dollar diamond?!

Barnaby: It was valued in the millions of dollars. And that has nothing to do with anything.

Kotetsu: It's a joke. A j-o-k-e. Besides, we're living a kid's dream! Don't you get it?

Barnaby: If you have enough time to talk, you have enough time to work. I don't have the time to spare.

Kotetsu: You're the one that interrupted me! Ahhh, geez! Enough of this! I'm going to go traini--

Barnaby: You're not getting away. I was put in charge of watching over you. And not to train.

Kotetsu: Then I'm going to the bathroom!

Barnaby: Huh?

Kotetsu: I said I'm going to the bathroom!

Barnaby: Why are you moving like that?

Kotetsu: Shit, it's leaking, it's leaking!

Kotetsu: Hmph. Stupid deskwork.

Saito: Tiger.

Kotetsu: AHHH! Dr. Saito. What is it?

Tiger: [curses deskwork]

Saito: Tiger? Do you have a moment?

Tiger: Ah! Mr. Saito? What is it?

Saito: [something about going to toilet?] *giggle*

Saito: [????? and then smth I can't make out] *giggle*

Tiger: Please don't laugh so close to my ear! [something about weird or ominous?]

Saito: You know Tiger, [something] not getting praise for. (so not sure about this)

Tiger: [complains about sitting at the desk and body getting... stiff or something?]

Saito: That's no good.

Tiger: [not sure what he means here]

Lloyds: Hey! What have I told you before!

Kotetsu: Ah, Mr. Lloyds, I was just, ah--

Lloyds: I've already warned you about using our equipment, Saito.

Kotetsu: Dr. Saito?

Lloyds: Especially the development of this "Good Luck Mode" and what it does to the budget. Is it really something they need?

Saito: But...it's cool.

Lloyds: We don't need useless add-ons. We have our limits, you know. Because of that we might have to limit the usage of the bikes.

Kotetsu: Eh?! But without our bikes, how will we reach the scene.

Lloyds: You have the monorail.

Kotetsu: Haaaah?! I've never heard of a hero that has to use the monorail to get to the scene of the crime!

Lloyds: It's a way of reducing costs.

Kotetsu: So why not reduce Dr. Saito's pay or...huh? Dr. Saito? He's faster than I expected.

Lloyds: By the way, what are you doing in here? Are you done with your paperwork?

Kotetsu: Um, if I can say something. Our job as heroes is to protect civilians! So the budget--

Lloyds: If you don't like it, you can quit.

Kotetsu: Uh, ah...that's...

Lloyds: Honestly. You have no idea what it costs to maintain a hero. If all you have are complaints, why don't *you* try getting the money to pay off the balance?

Kotetsu: So it's okay for me to get the money to pay off the balance?

Lloyds: Huh?

Kotetsu: Fine! If that's what it takes, I'll do it! In exchange, stop complaining about every little expense!

Lloyds: I don't know what you have planned, but finish your report before you start braying about finishing anything else. Understand?

Kotetsu: Great, he's gone. What am I going to do?

Barnaby: Sigh. I can't believe you said that.

Kotetsu: Huh, Bunny? Sneaking up on people is a bad habit.

Barnaby: Sneaking out on people is an even worse one. What do you think your job is?

Kotetsu: I don't have time for banter with you. I have to finish my paperwork.

Barnaby: Did you mean look for a sponsor?

Kotetsu: How did you know--

Barnaby: I understand how you think, old man.

Kotetsu: It'll work if a hero goes to them directly, don't you think?

Barnaby: Sigh. This is ridiculous.

Kotetsu: Shut up! If I say I'll do it, then I'll do it!

[the ding of a elevator]

Kotetsu: Hey, why are you tagging along, Bunny?

Barnaby: In order to watch over you.

Kotetsu: You had to be pushed into helping me with the report!

Barnaby: That's completely different. If you're going to be drumming up clients, we're marketed as a duo, so I want to protect my image.

Kotetsu: Oh, I seeee.

Baranby: Having said that, why did you choose Akamono Station?

Kotetsu: The senior executive manager was on a list of "likely companies." You saw it too, right? Listen, leave the negotiations to me! Don't butt in!

Barnaby: So we're going in order of age?

Kotetsu: Just shut up and watch!

Kotetsu: Okay...Wild Roar!

[he knocks on the door]

Tokumaru: Come in.

Kotetsu: Excuse me for disturbing you!

[opens the door]

Tokumaru: Thank you for stopping by! I'm Tokumaru, head of the advertising department.

Kotetsu: I'm Apollon Media's Wild Tiger.

Barnaby: I'm Barnaby Brooks Jr, from the same company.

Tokumaru: Of course, I know the two of you! Come now, no need to be so formal! Please sit down.

T&B: Thank you.

Tokumaru: Truthfully, I've been wanting to meet with you two too!

Kotetsu: What a coincidence! Well, actually there's a reason we came here today. We were wondering if you'd like to cheer on Tiger & Barnaby by becoming a sponsor!

Tokumaru: Eh?

Kotetsu: You know, when I think of Akamono Station, the thing that comes to mind is that great stationary and all the rest of the products you market, so I want everyone else to know about it too!

Tokumaru: Oh, how flattering.

Kotetsu: And not only that! I've also used that software your company puts out, Dr. Speadsheet, and I was amazed at how easy it was to use!

Tokumaru: Oh. That's not ours.

Kotetsu: Eh?

Barnaby: (He's saying it's made by a rival company.)

Kotetsu: Ah, uh, um, that was! I was just kidding!

Tokumaru: [completely flat tone of voice] Yeah, isn't it great software? So convenient.

Barnaby: (Great, I knew this would happen. Step back, old man.)

Barnaby: But you know, Akamono Station has a very solid base of habitual users.

Tokumaru: Oh, really? Yes, you're right!

Barnaby: I use your products frequently!

Kotetsu: Weren't you the one that was talking about the end of the pen and paper era?

Barnaby: (Be quiet!)

Kotetsu: Yes, I use them too!

Tokumaru: Are you trying to mock our company?

Kotetsu: Ehhh--no, not at all!

Tokumaru: Yes, it might be that our company is old fashioned, but we're proud of that! I think you two need to leave! Immediately!

Barnaby: My apologies! I have no excuse for--

Kotetsu: Hold on just a second! Just give me one minute!

Barnaby: We need to leave!

Kotetsu: (Why are you just giving up?!)

Barnaby: (We need to know when we're beaten!)

Kotetsu: If you do that, you can't even call yourself a salaryman! A salaryman does everything he can for his company!

Barnaby: I don't want to hear that from you!

Tokumaru: Shut up and get out already!

Kotetsu: I'm sorry, but please hear me out a little longer! Our sponsors usually increase in profitabilty, so just let me...

[sound of Kotetsu getting out his abacus]

Barnaby: Enough already, I don't think this is going to help!

Kotetsu: There's nothing else I can do!

Tokumaru: Wait just a moment. Is that an abacus you have there?

Kotetsu: Eh? Yeah, I've always used one, since I was a kid. Sorry to show you something so--

Tokumaru: May I see it?

Kotetsu: Uh, yeah. Sure.

Tokumaru: Ohhh, it really is one. This form! This feel! This sound!

Barnaby: So, you mean...

Tokumaru: Things like this are really nostalgic. They bring me back to when I was just starting out.

T&B: Huh?

Tokumaru: That's what our manufacturing process is all about, cherishing the things of yesterday! So nostalgic! I can't believe there are still people that use abacuses.

Kotetsu: But it just feels so great to use!

Tokumaru: Yes, that's right! I know exactly what you mean! Oh! That's right. Do both of you have some time to spare?

Kotetsu: Eh?

Tokumaru: Let's go out for drinks!

Barnaby: Drinks?

Kotetsu: Sounds great! Yeah, let's go! You too, Bunny!

Barnaby: Ah, well, I'm not really...

Kotetsu: Yep, we're definitely taking you along too!

Barnaby: Hey, quit it!

Tokumaru: Hahaha, settle down, you two!

[the two of them are wasted]

Barnaby: It's your fault we're getting back late. How much did we even have?

[sound of Kotetsu working the abacus]

Kotetsu: Let me see...we had this many bottles of shochu, so...about this much!

Barnaby: We drank too much.

Kotetsu: Come on, it's fine! Because of that, we closed the deal!

Barnaby: I suppose you were right about not giving up too soon.

Kotetsu: That's what you call a veteran's spirit! Sometimes you just have to go for it. Otherwise you can't do your job.

Barnaby: Everyone else at work has probably gone home for the day.

Kotetsu: Yeah, prob--huh?

Lloyds: And just where were you two?

Barnaby: Mr. Lloyds!

Lloyds: Honestly, doing something like this without my permission. Are you trying to cause me trouble?

Kotetsu: You're still working? This late?

Lloyds: I couldn't just leave with the two of you MIA, could I? And there were still things related to this month's invoices that I needed to take care of.

Kotetsu: You mean all that stuff?!

Lloyds: Plus, the papers in a cardboard box and my inbox.

Kotetsu: I have enough trouble with one!

Barnaby: I don't think any human can handle that much.

Kotetsu: Mr. Lloyds...don't tell me...are you a NEXT?!

Barnaby: Impossible...could it be...his power is doing office work?! "A legendary NEXT!"--yeah right.

Kotetsu: Bunny, you just said something interesting.

Barnaby: Huh?

Kotetsu: Maybe he really IS a "legendary NEXT" with the power to do office work!

Barnaby: That's not very likely.

Kotetsu: Just listen! In that case, he makes me and you look like regular humans!

Barnaby: Don't group me in with you.

Lloyds: Hey! Instead of babbling about pointless things, tell me where you two have been this whole time.

Kotetsu: Oh yeah, we got a sponsor!

Lloyds: Sponsor?

Barnaby: Akamono Station has agreed to sponsor us.

Kotetsu: And so, no monorail for us!

Lloyds: Don't do things like this without authorization!

T&B: Huh?

Lloyds: That company is going out of business, so there was no point in discussing sponsorship!

Kotetsu: So, you mean...

Lloyds: Your negotiations don't count. They were pointless. Meaningless.

Kotetsu: That's...

Barnaby: I'll never forget that you wasted an afternoon of my life on something so pointless.

Kotetsu: It wasn't MY fault!

Lloyds: Even though I warned you not to do it?

Kotetsu: Ah, well, um...

Lloyds: Listen, Kotetsu. This afternoon you mentioned that your job is protecting civilians. Well, I also have a veeeery important mission of my own. Can you guess what that is?

Kotetsu: Huh? It's probably something like..."Standing sentinal as a manager and overseeing that everything goes smoothly..."

Lloyds: Wrong! It's cleaning up the messes you two leave behind! Like wiping a baby's ass! Well, Barnaby isn't too bad. The problem is the useless extra over here!

Kotetsu: Haaah?! Why is he okay and I'm not? That's playing favorites!

Lloyds: Do you really want to say that when you can't even finish your work properly? This is your expense report, but you don't have a recipt for this. And for this one, you filled out "Top Mag." Why are you putting down the name for a company you don't work for any more?

Kotetsu: I must not have been paying attention.

Lloyds: Enough fooling around! Go back and do it properly!

Kotetsu: Right now...?

Lloyds: If you don't like it, you can quit!

Kotetsu: Wow, I sure learned a lot today! There are times when you should just give up! So, in that light, I think I'll leave the reports to Bunny!

Barnaby: Hah?

Kotetsu: I'm off to train! See you later!

Lloyds: Hold it! I said wait!

Barnaby: Yes, a duo should definitely stick together!

Lloyds: What are you trying to say?

Barnaby: Even if he's on the mental level of some animal. I'll see you later!

Lloyds: Hey! Who is going to do this report!? Don't add any more to my workload---!!

END